Identity

I’m To Busy God….

Do you ever have those moments you feel God calling you to something and you tell yourself… “That’s a great idea but I’m to busy God”. Honestly that’s how I feel in this very moment. Life has been chaotic lately. I mean when is life not chaotic though? I told myself that today I was going to get all kinds of things done. I was not going to using the excuse that life is to chaotic and I’m so exhausted that any downtime I get is MINE TO DO WHAT I LIKE. I’m going to clean out the spare living room from the mess that was made by replacing our AC unit and hot water heater. I’m going to cut the dogs hair and give them baths. I’m going to clean the kids bathroom and rooms. If I have anytime left then maybe I will take some “me time” or find something else that needs to be done.

Today was going to be productive! I was going to do it all!!!! I don’t know why we always try to convince ourselves of that. Maybe its the “I AM WOMEN HEAR ME ROAR” mentality or maybe its the comparing that we do with each other. We think every other women has it all together so why shouldn’t we have it together too? So it came, Monday morning was here and of course the unexpected happens. My son wakes up at 6:30am screaming his neck hurts and cant move it. We bring him to our bed and try to calm him down thinking that he just slept wrong and needs to stretch it. he continues to cry till 8:30am. At this point I call our chiropractor and get him a appointment for 9am. I rush and grab my daughter out of bed and carry them both to the car and off to the Chiro we go with my son still in his jammies because it was a 20min drive and we couldn’t miss the appt. We find out that he is having neck spasms and they can last for 3-4 days then will go away. He has limited movement and its very painful.

His comfy little set up! Of course mommy and daddy’s bed is better than the couch.

We get home and I get him situated with a day full of cartoons (No judgement Plz 😉). I finally get the chance to start doing all the things for the day. I start by vacuuming my floors. Then I moved to the crazy spare room and start in there. I start getting in the swing of things and start to feel productive and then it happens. I hear the words “Stop and write”. I told him “Yes that’s a great idea but, I’m busy God. I will do it later when I get done with this”. I continued to put things away but the words of what he wanted me to write about just came flowing in. He again told me a little louder “Stop and Write”. My response this time was similar. ” Yes all those things are great to write about, I will do it later when I’m done”. I again continued to put stuff away and try to distract myself by racking my brain on how to reorganize the craft closet.

The crazy spare room! This is what closing down a business, cleaning out the kids rooms, making a donation pile and having to empty a entire craft closet to replace the AC and Hot water heater looks like. This is REAL LIFE! This was my “Busy” 😯🙈😬

Again he spoke to me but with more force this time “STOP AND WRITE”. Now I was frustrated. I started to argue with God. “Why God? Why now? I’m finally getting something accomplished and you want me to stop and write? I can write much better if I know my stuff is done! I can write better if my kids are napping and not distracting me! Please just let me do it later”. Right then my son yelled for me from the other room. He needed help with the TV. I had a moment of thinking ” HA! See I can’t write right now I’m to busy God”. I helped my son and then headed back to the spare room to work. I finally cleared the thought of writing and was ready to refocus but God had other plans. In a soft voice he said to me ” How can you write about stopping to listening to God if your not doing it yourself?” Man!!!!!!!! Don’t you love those moments that God makes its SOOOOO clear what his will for you is. You see today has not been the only day he has asked me to write. He’s been seeking me out for a few weeks now. Probing me almost daily to sit and write, He’s been downloading topics and words into my head to share with other women and I have continued to tell him “I’m to busy God”. The thing about God though is he always wins against the battle of the flesh. He will continue to pursue you no matter how many times you turn him down or tell him “I’m to busy God”. Does it mean when you finally give in and listen that its going to be easy? No its not! I did not get a uninterrupted writing time. In fact I have been more interrupted by my kids in the last hour than I have all day. I have wiped a butt, stopped the kids from playing with the ceiling fan strings, broke up the kids from fighting twice, kept my daughter from pushing buttons on my laptop, and several other things which is why its taken me a hour to write this. Listening and Obeying is not always easy but I know now that I’m wrapping this up that is not going to be all for nothing. Someone needed to hear this and that is more important than a clean room. So I ask you what are you telling God your to busy for? Is it leading a bible study, prayer, or quite time with him. Is it helping a friend, inviting someone to church, or witnessing to others? Maybe its simply having a relationship with him and trusting him as your Lord and Savoir. If you have never done that before there is no better time for that than now! NOTHING is more important than your salvation. Not the dishes, laundry, your job or any other distraction. I would be honored to help you with that if you would like to send me a message. So I leave you with this Ladies. Put down the thing that is making you busy and surrender to what the Lord has for you. You will not regret it and you will find blessings.

Identity

The Hospital

I have such a love/hate relationship with the hospital. I for sure am thankful we have them, but I definitely don’t want me or my family to be there. Yet there’s this strange feeling of relief when you are. Its like your surrounded with a since of security. You know if a emergency happens you have everything you need right there. You feel capable of handling anything that comes your way. Not to mention the fact that you are literally forced to sit and do nothing because you have no choice but to do that right now. There’s also another side of it. The “What in the world is going on?” side. The feeling of how did it come to this. How did this all even happen? What signs did I miss? How could I have avoided this? The fear that something major will be wrong. The fear of judgment that you may receive about your decisions as a parent. The upset emotions that you feel because your baby is sick, but also the guilt that you feel because you are upset about it and after all “It could be much worse”. The feeling of being completely helpless. You have no choice but to depend on others for help. You have no choice but to accept the doctors recommendations and for the most part trust that his decisions for your child are the best ones. At times you feel moments of peace but other times its chaos. You look out the window and wonder what the rest of the world is doing and you almost feel as if its all another reality. After all your “Trapped” here. Once your admitted they don’t just let you go when you want. They have to discharge you first. Sometimes you get the answers you want and sometimes you don’t. When you really think about it no one goes to the hospital because they are well. They go because they are sick. They need help. They need access to medications, testing, and resources. As I sit here and type I think about the role God plays as the hospital for our soul. We don’t usually run to God when everything is great. We run to him when there’s a emergency. When something is wrong and we need help. Even though we may have missed some signs along the way that would have avoided us having a emergency, He still opens up his arms to us and gives us everything we need. He gives us spiritual medicine. He begins to heal us as long as we trust his decisions for our life. There’s times we may feel like we are going though test after test in life, but those test are refining us and providing the foundation to heal us of our worldly sins and desires. These test help us find the problem with our soul. We may have moments we look out the window and long for the “other world” but we have no way to get there unless he releases us. He has to make sure we are ready to handle it. That we are not only ready for the blessings that came with leaving the “hospital”, but that we are ready for a battle if we approach one. Once released we will have a new outlook on life. We should walk out a new person, not the hurting or angry person we were walking into his presence. I ask you today, Do you need to run to the hospital? Do you need a medical encounter with God? What do you need to do to renew in your mind. Maybe its a easy fix and you just need some medicine or it maybe a hard fix and some surgery might be needed. No matter what needs to happen, you will never get to see the world for what it is until you have chosen to run to the “hospital”. You will continue to get worse and worse until you have no other option but to go to him or choose death in your spirit. He wants to restore you but he cant go to your house and get you. You must run to him in the emergency, seeking his help and resources. If you go I promise you will not be released until you have been renewed. He has a plan and although you may wonder why or how you got here, I promise the hospital stay will all be worth it.